An Endless Vigil…

It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.
Eleanor Roosevelt

I couldn’t sleep last night.  I took a shower, thinking it would help relax me, but all it did was invite the tears I had been holding back all day.  I let a few fall when I first read the news on my lunch, but I had to try to keep it together because I had students coming in.  I was rattled…to my absolute core.  It is hard to know how much to say…but I have 16 & 17 year olds, so I am thankful we could have a little discussion; they all have their thoughts, and yesterday, fortunately? unfortunately?, was an opportunity to talk.

I didn’t say much to my kids, I didn’t want to scare them.  My oldest loves people, he always has.  Sometimes so much, it scares me as a mother.  I hate having to tell him to be cautious, to not talk or trust people he doesn’t know. To not always believe adults who say they are there to help him.  How do I teach them to love other human beings while also teaching them that other human beings can’t always be trusted?  How do I teach them to love school, when in my heart, I feel like schools have become a battle ground in so many ways?

Last night, after I got home, we built a gingerbread house.  It was messy, a little frustrating, and a welcome distraction.  I knew that I wanted my Shot For Jen this month to revolve around us building that house together… but I felt compelled to create an image that also honored the souls that were lost yesterday.  So, I got out my tea lights…I just happened to have 2 packages of them.

Exactly 20 lights.

We lit them, 1 by 1.

Carter said “mom, you’re going to start the house on fire.” (My fireman husband has them trained well).

I told him we would get the fire extinguisher out, just in case.

I told him that we were lighting them to say a prayer for some people who got hurt yesterday.

I told him that we needed to remember to love people, and even when we get angry, we can’t ever resort to hurting others.

I told him that it is always ok to ask for help when we are hurting.

I told him that sometimes bad things happen, but that there will always be good things too.

I told him that the best thing we can do is do our best for others…